Conscious Relationships with Heather Ruce
Heather Ruce joins Pam to talk about having "Conscious Relationships" with the people in our lives. She says being conscious is a spiritual practice that we must tend to with intentionality, attention and awareness. Heather works with individuals in Wisdom Spiritual Direction and facilitates wisdom practice circles, groups, retreats, and wisdom schools. She offers teaching and guidance in various wisdom and mindfulness practices including Centering Prayer, Christian meditation, sacred chanting, lectio divina, conscious work and embodiment. She has a M.A. Marital and Family Therapy from Bethel University.
WISDOM SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR HEATHER RUCE
Heather works with individuals in Wisdom Spiritual Direction and facilitates wisdom practice circles, groups, retreats, and wisdom schools. She offers teaching and guidance in various wisdom and mindfulness practices including Centering Prayer, Christian meditation, sacred chanting, lectio Divina, conscious work and embodiment. Heather has had many companions, guides, and teachers along the way, all of whom have contributed to who she is and the work that she offers.
Her work is especially informed by the teachings of Cynthia Bourgeault in the Christian Wisdom Tradition, Steve Hoskinson in the integration of trauma healing and complexity science through his model Organic Intelligence, and her master’s degree training in marriage and family therapy.
“Wisdom is, concerned with the transformation of the whole human being. Transformation from what to what? Well, for a starter, from our animal instincts and egocentricity into love and compassion; from a judgmental and dualistic worldview into a nondual acceptingness. This was the message that Jesus, apparently out of nowhere, came preaching and teaching, a message that was radical in its own time and remains equally radical today.”
~Cynthia Bourgeault
WHAT ARE CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS?
Conscious relationships:
are a spiritual practice, a discipline, a devotion
are living breathing organisms that we must tended to
require intentionality, attention and awareness
have emergent properties
Unconscious relationships are characterized by:
habitual reactivity
not taking responsibility for reactions fight, flight, fawn, freeze
low trust, high expectations
rigid or chaotic
Conscious relationships can be with:
self
other humans, living and non living ancestors or spiritual guides
God
non human creatures, animals
the earth, plants, places
10 PRACTICES IN CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
Conscious labor
Intentionally working toward conscious interacting while at the same time remaining aware of yoursel
Present and awake
Wholeness and Growth
Seeing one another as already whole and carrying the spark of the divine regardless of ability to manifest it
Commitment and capacity to grow with one another while accepting the other as they are
Self-observation and self-awareness
Seeing yourself honestly and impartially as you are not as you wish to be
Recognizing both the past and the future are present in the now, identifying your patterns of relating, and take ownership
Intentional suffering
Seeing the other honestly, accepting what you see and bearing the negative manifestations of the other just as they do for you
Willing to sacrifice for the other
Taking responsibility
Responding rather than reacting by dealing with your own inner states
Recognizing how you impact others and repairing when necessary
Tending to the Energy exchange
Being aware of what is going to be in integrity to the energetic exchange in this relationship and not giving the leftovers
Embrace who the other person is and decide what kind of relationship you can have based on who they show you not on who you would like to change them to be
Abundance vs scarcity
Focus on what is working, what is good, what you appreciate rather than what is missing
Address what isn’t working and then let g
Asking what is needed rather than what do I need?
Not looking for someone else to complete us or make us happy, feed us, help us avoid emotions
Coming with the inner posture of what can I bring rather than what can I get
Low maintenance, not a lot of expectations
Flexibility not rigidity or chaos
Navigating realistic desires and expectations, no coercion or demands
Cultivate trust
Come with trust that you both have one another’s best interests at heart, giving trust rather than waiting for it to be earned
Not mistaking safety and comfort
HEATHER’S FAVORITE QUOTE
God is at work enlarging the boundaries of my heart.
“God is making room in my heart for compassion: the awareness that where my life begins is where your life begins; the awareness that the sensitiveness to your needs cannot be separated from the sensitiveness to my needs; the awareness that the joys of my heart are never mine alone - nor are my sorrows. I struggle against the work of God in my heart; I want to be left alone. I want my boundaries to remain fixed, that I may be at rest. But even now, as I turn to [God] in the quietness, [God’s] work in me is ever the same.”
~Howard Thurman, ‘Meditations of the Heart’
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